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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome several obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she's repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends drifted away at that point, because they seemed drawn to him. It shocked her. She made increased attention toward our bond, probably understood better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many in her circle vanished leaving her sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, although she was very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each retired so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I start discussion points only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been arranging a vacation abroad I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. I tried to offer personal experiences, but this was unappreciated. She really just desired my agreement with her decisions. I recently ended four weeks there and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly understand the impact of how she acts on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one is to state what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to express the way it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no dispute here. Emotions belong to you, naturally. Step three is to question how you are both going to change the pattern between you."

Remember she too holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works is telling her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

This can be impactful for promoting mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss your concerns, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a version about themselves they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present this way and then think your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it will give you satisfaction that you've been honest with her.