Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's leading entertainers spent the evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday song targeting the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins everything he handles."

The subject was the controversial program that enables international citizens to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" option for 5 million. A government page promises approval "faster than ever."

"A brief message for you to rich applicants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, involving large fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of food items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.